Well, thank Congress, not this Congress but the Congress of the past who thought daylight savings time was a good idea.
It’s because of them that twice a year, the federal government screws with my internal clock, makes my circadian rhythm as odd and offbeat as a Frank Zappa song. (Dude wrote one in 19/16 time. I kid you not.)
So at 2 a.m. Sunday, clocks are going to leap forward one hour, meaning that unless you plan ahead better than I do, you’re going to lose an hour of sleep.
Talk about government overreach!
I’m right. And you know I am.
You hate it, too.
Chances are you’ll oversleep and miss church on Sunday. At least that’s what you’ll tell your priest or preacher.
And then Monday. Ugh.
Are you kidding me?
You know who we have to blame. The Germans.
They were the first to institute it back during World War I as a way to save fuel they needed to fight the war. We followed suit.
FDR brought it back in World War II.
Some states did it on their own for years, and then Congress enacted it back in 1966 but allowed states to opt out. Then Congress and Richard Milhous Nixon schemed to make it the law of the land back during the energy crisis of 1974. Damn OPEC.
We’ve had it ever since.
Some people like it because they have more daylight when they get home from work in the summer. Businesses love it because people stay out spending money later. And some think that it cuts down on crime.
You’re not going to believe me when I tell you this, but people die because of it.
The National Institutes of Health released a study in 2001 that found an increase in fatal traffic car crashes on the Monday following the shift to daylight saving time each spring. The NIH says that’s likely because people are more sleepy when they’re driving.
And then don’t even get me started on the shift back to standard time in the fall, when I really don’t pick up any more sleep because we haven’t yet taught Elvis, my golden retriever, how to tell time.
Kentucky’s late Wendell Ford warned us about this phenomena for years. He fought daylight saving time from the time he was lieutenant governor until he retired from the U.S. Senate in 1998.
Mike Ruehling, who was Ford’s spokesman for years, said the senator would stand to speak on the floor about how the cows back home would get confused because they didn’t know when milking time was.
”Farmers work on a schedule stubbornly laid down by their animals and the sun — regardless of the declared time of day as laid down in Washington,” Ford said during a 1985 battle over making daylight saving time start earlier in the year and end later.
Cows aren’t the only creatures of habit.
This whole time change thing was terribly confusing when I lived in Somerset, which was in the Eastern time zone and I traveled often to nearby counties, which were on what we called “slow time,” in the Central time zone.
To be honest, I don’t really care if we have daylight saving time or not. What I’m really tired of is this twice a year switch, which will leave the clock in my truck off-kilter for months and some of the clocks in my house out of whack until the batteries have to be replaced.
Just put us on one time.
I’ll make a deal with any politician who can change this pressing issue that is killing drivers, confusing cows and making me have to calculate the real time when I get into my truck: fix it and I’ll cast one vote for you in your next election.*
I’m serious. Unless I’m violating some arcane federal law. Then I’m just kidding.
Anybody know what time it is?
*Offer valid only in Kentucky. Not valid for any politician who opposes reasonable gun laws.